trials

the start of summer has traditionally been a time of rest and relaxation without a worry in the world. this summer is so different that id rather be in class. i just want to get everything over with, i want it done so i can move on. i want this summer to be a time of rebirth, i dont want to continue the way ive been. i want to be closer, closer to my family and friends. i dont want petty arguments and misunderstandings. i want a fresh start. i dont want to be held back by fears or things ive done before. i want freedom. i dont want to get upset at all, summer is a time of joy. i want my whole life to feel like summer. i want you to understand what i mean when i say something, and do or dont do something. very little i do has no meaning behind it. i just want it to be real, i want it to last. i dont want her to be "right". i want to be easy going. without a care at all. i want to work, i want to be outside, i want to lay in the sun lazily. i just want it to be very different than it is right now. im not sure i have the strength or power to change it all.