moments

And then I remember that day that night
It was you it was me
Wild and free
We held it so tight
But where are you tonight.

choices

the hardest thing we make in life is what we want, what well do to get it, and how to maintain it. lately deciding what i want it really difficult. i feel pulled in so many directions im not sure where my heart is in any of them. one choice i have to make is the heaviest so far, last night i met with D and he told me why hes been distant and off and on. he broke my heart last night but he didnt break it, someone broke his heart and hearing it broke my heart for him. i fell in love with this girl hearing about her and all i want is them to be together. at the same time it made me like him even more because he wasnt like every other guy. this boy has a heart. the biggest heart ive met and he is so aware of everything and he can express it so well. he told me theres just no way to be in a relationship wed both end up hurt and i completely understand that and gained so much respect for him for that. either way were friends but we can be a little more and just have no emotional attachment. last night i thought thats easy i can put my heart out of it and not feel a thing ive done it before several times why not now. then today i thought about it. i remembered how i feel around him, how safe and carefree. i realized thats really all i want in any relationship im in but i just dont know if i can keep my heart out of it. i keep seeing those posters from middle school that have the forest and the poem "two roads diverged in a wood and i took the one less traveled and it has made all the difference." i dont know which path to take. im not sure how either one will end. i filed my intent to graduate papers today too. in three months im done with pellissippi and i will have my associates. i find out in march about nursing school but what if that isnt what i want to do, how do i know thats what i need to do with my life. i have never been completely convinced it is.i just need guidance in every aspect of my life right now and i cant seem to find any.

rerun

this week has been a near mirror image of last week and i cant for the life of me figure out how i could screw it up just as bad. i could honestly care less about school which sucks on its own, then i met J and it was alright hes cute we had fun whatever. he gets pissed at me saturday and says we can just be friends and subtweets about me all week. then theres D, same exact thing. it was amazing when i met him, like perfect could be relationship. he met my family and was all cute and sweet then he was all rawr and saucy. what every woman wants. i bring him lunch and then boom that night he has all these tweets about how liking someone should be easy, hes simple and its not enough, materialism killed our generation, hes too misunderstood to be special for someone, he cant have what he wants because hes sub par, he gives up, and let him know when his worth is realized. im over here like what the hell did i do?! so i asked him best i could this morning in my least accusatory im worried about it voice and he said people just talk ish so he makes a point to prove them wrong. im sorry but i cant see a point being proven there. so how have i managed to push away two pretty great guys in two weeks and not have a clue why?

typical

I love meeting guys who seem decent, maybe a little wilder than I'd like but not a bad guy really. They all however end up the same every time. It's great meeting em and hanging out the first time then you find out what they don't wanna "hide" and you tell then your secrets. It's fun, great chemistry, and something you wouldn't mind doing again even if the isn't a chance in hell it's really going anywhere. They all say it's perfect, you're perfect, it'd be so great with you, I really like you, I wanna see where this can go, you know you want me too, and all that jazz you call me perfect and then don't call me, too bad this doesn't surprise me.