johnny ray

you seem to think you know me pretty well, i on the other hand know you clearly know nothing about me if you can say the things youve said to me. you should know i left after you called, not to win your good side but because i was completely honest when i told you i didnt want that in my life anymore, or at least not right now. i told you it was the fall and then it was over. it wasnt more than i could count; you were number three. i was never going to even touch that boy despite your beliefs, that was just a game with him. there were never intentions and never will be. i will never hold something inside when it burns so painfully to be soothed over by the one who spoke such lies. i had to tell her to get her side im sorry if i ruined any chance you had with her. im sorry you ruined any chance you had with me. i seriously considered dropping your hand when we crossed that florida state line coming home just to say without words this thing that happened there isnt coming back with us, but there was a fear in your eyes that i would. i could see it would hurt you and i didnt want to hurt you. id never really seen a softness to you and i liked it. it brought a softness in me. there never really was a choice between you two. it was someone who liked me and someone i had a mutual liking with; the double bond always wins out. i actually enjoyed the fact nothing you could do would really piss me off. even now, all your prick ways and blocking im still just like whatever if you wanna talk ill talk. i have no real bad feelings toward you because i have no anger. im not sure if it comes from the fact i expected this long ago, or as i suspect it has been in the past that i just didnt care. i think i cared, i know i still do for you just not us. when you said never speak to me again, that stung a little but i couldnt even try to make myself cry over it. at that point i was already over anything you could say. im pretty sure you could call me whatever you wanted ruin my life with your hackings and calls and whatnots and i still wouldnt really get upset. i guess that means youve become insignificant in my life? oh well, im not in yours i shouldnt save a spot for you. i told you to tell me not to go if you didnt want me to, but that would say i still care even though i want to seem like a heartless bastard. you told me to go and i went. i know you really didnt want me to, especially not after what you said about telling the boys hi. and so you know, not a single one of them was there. i was long gone by the time anyone that mightve been one of the three showed up. i just honestly dont care anymore, you can keep the stuff at your house. throw it away, burn it, give it to kia i dont care. i havent decided if i want to keep the fluffies. im seriously considering dropping them off at childrens as donations. i really dont care, i have no urge to get revenge on you because we both knew this was a failed mission from the start. you said it yourself i just want a simple country boy and thats not what you are. well ive got one going fishing with me in a few days, then maybe another one the next day. nothing serious, nothing will be done to hurt you and this isnt a replay of the fall. i stood outside tonight and it felt wonderful. its warm with a slight breeze and relatively low humidity. perfect summer weather, it made me want bonfires again. im going back to the lake in a few weekends and maybe even next. itll be fun and missing a few key elements from last year. wont you be so proud? i told you im over it. so you think what youve said and done will slow me down and hinder my good times? well thats a shame you thought you had such control. i really do hope you find happiness, i know it wont be with me and i dont really want it to be. i want you to find the one your heart dreams of and not worry about a thing.