broken

I'll be the first to admit I'm stubborn and need a million signs before I change my mind about something. Even then I still may not believe it, so I prayed about it. It is such a surreal feeling when you realize you got what you've been asking for. This past month the sermons were all on marriage and what to look for in the person you will marry, and it got me thinking and I realized I really don't know anyone like the man I'm supposed to marry. My dad always told us dating is preparation for marriage so I try not to date guys I know will go absolutely nowhere. But this one just grabbed me and I couldn't let go, not completely. I just kept hoping it would turn around and just be right. I prayed either let him see it or get me over it, I was so sick of the in between I just couldn't do it anymore. Last night I just broke down, nothing happened to make it happen but as soon as I talked about it I knew, and I went straight to bed completely at peace. Waking up I realized I got what I had been asking for but it wasn't really the answer I had wanted. I know this means there are just better things for me.