measuring up.

lately ive been in this habit of comparing people. im not sure why i just have been. i compare everyone in my life now to someone who once was, its ridiculous. if they arent important enough to still be there why should someone who is be compared to that? its not right or fair. i hate being compared to other kids like that. i guess there will always be those few people who left a mark, good or bad. maybe both but they may not be the "standard" but they kinda are. i just keep comparing this guy to one of my exes, it was a rough relationship but there were things i wouldnt change for the world. today i was kinda mad kinda pretending to be mad but he let me leave mad. that upset me more than anyone knows. well maybe the guy behind me because im pretty sure he saw me wiping my eyes a bit. i just thought that he was better than the last guy, but when i fought with him he would stop me. i could never leave mad or without a hug and a kiss. it killed me that sawyer was "better" at leaving. absolutely killed me. i loved that i could never leave on bad terms, i feel like that meant something about how he felt for me, or that he cared, or something. but it hurts to not have something that you used to that matters to you. it bothers me and im not sure its gonna change.